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Health

Don’t Masturbate at work, Even If An Article Tells You To.

We Didn’t Think We Would Have To Say This But Here We Go…

This new movement started in January with the article  We tried masturbating at work for a week and this is what happened , the two so-called journalists behind this, tried to convince the nation that masturbating at work was a scientific experiment that needed to be done and needed to be written about.

There has been a trend of pointless confessional journalism, in which a university educated writer will just divulge their sex life. Last week there was an article from a female writer who wrote a piece on why men shouldn’t shy away from pleasing their significant others even if they are on their period(yes we always have our links in red nothing to do with the topic.) With articles like this you wonder what journalism has come to. 

But lets proceed with the original topic, it’s now May, which has been dubbed  National Masturbation month. This is another one of our pet peeves at The New Gentleman; silly holidays being made every month to facilitate nonsense. This national holiday has now led to psychologists and masturbation connoisseurs to crawl out from under the cubicle, singing the praises of masturbating  in the workplace. We have the answer to this conundrum.

Please, don’t w*nk at work.

In what we would term, pro masturbation propaganda , The Independent have quoted Mark Sergeant, psychology lecturer at Nottingham Trent University, saying that a ‘masturbation break’ would be “very effective” at work and a great way to relieve tension and stress”.

This all sounds like an excuse for perverts to have extra fun time at work instead of having the patience to wait until they get home. 

Surprisingly, Mark is not alone in championing locking yourself in the toilet cubicles, whose colour has been specifically chosen to strip you of any disobedience. And not to even mention you poor colleague in the cubicle next door who is just trying to read one of our latest articles on what was meant to be a 30 second toilet break. 

Mark’s partner in crime is Dr Cliff Arnal who, in the Metro article that inspired the same paper’s aforementioned ‘investigative journalism’, suggests that three minutes with your hands in your pants at work will result in “more focus, less aggression, higher productivity and more smiling”.

We don’t buy it Cliff Arnal, even your name sounds suspicious, never mind your scientific expertise. 

Regardless of what the science may say, this kind of behaviour at work is just not acceptable, and if you find yourself if considering this as a possibility, your really need to consider your priorities in life. 

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